Joshua (dragonguyver) wrote in spadortch,

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popcorn and milk!

Well I was sitting here at the computer, eating a snack, wondering what I should write about. And then I realized, I had a review under my nose, the whole time!

Smartfood Popcorn, $.99 bag

Wow! This stuff is tasty. The white color is pleasing. It’s very white cheddar flavored AND colored! The bag has plenty of product in it so I don’t feel like I’m getting ripped off there. The price feels fair, also.

Unfortunately this bag is suffering from 21st Century advertising. There’s a bunch of obnoxious bullcrap on the back, which is trying to pretend to be informational, the way indie/local potato chips have, but this is just mind-control crap trying to TELL you what you think of the product. Obnoxious! The front of the bag is little better, too. It’s got that whole advertising style art that is trying to trick your mind into thinking the product is more exciting or better than it is.

How much less would this product cost without all the ad work? We can only imagine.

And dear god there’s a lot of saturated fat here! This bag says TWO servings, and that makes 30% the DRV in just the one bag! The sodium count is just as sickening, at 28%! Nothing positive to be found here, either. There is clearly no nutritional value here in this food. At least the ingredients list isn’t some huge long list of unknown chemicals. Everything on it is familiar.

Another major drawback would be the little kernel shells that get stuck in your teeth and gums. God I hate those things! One time I had one that was all the way inside my gums! Ack!

Technical details: net weight 2 3/8 oz. (67.3g). Sell by date: Nov 15.

Final Score: 60.
It’s tasty but has zero worth as an actual food. Best used in small servings as a side or as occasional snack. Now go eat some bananas! Potassium is good for you!

Here’s one of my favorite products which can be found here in Maine, particularly at the Portland Public Market!

Smiling Hill Farm Chocolate Milk

Wow. This is some of the best stuff ever. Their milk all around is damn good. It comes in many flavors. Whole Milk, Lowfat, Skim, Heavy Cream, Strawberry, Banana, Blueberry, Vanilla, Coffee… tons!

This is a pint sized bottle, literally! It’s just the right size for a nice dose of calcium.

Well, there are so many good things about Smiling Hill Farm, I hardly no where to start. For one thing, it’s local! I know where the farm is, right in Gorham. Buy local, kids! You know they treat their animals right, and it isn’t full of crazy fucking growth hormones and shit! No wonder ten year olds are becoming sexxified (never mind their corporate idols)!

Anyway, the milk just tastes damn good. Fucking damn good. The pint is perfect for a drink, but you can also buy quarts and gallons, too.

The bottle is made of a very heavy glass which is resistant to minor bumps and jangles. That’s a damn good thing…

Because you want to hold onto this bottle. You see, it takes a dollar deposit! SHF wants the bottle back, you see, and this presents us with a great opportunity!

The awesomest thing about SHF milk is that it makes you money. Take your food stamp card, and buy a bottle. Now drink it, rinse it out, and return it. You get the dollar deposit back in hard American currency! Woot!

And at a super reasonable price of only $1.35 for the milk and $1.50 for the flavored (plus deposits), this is a great product! And there are no retarded advertisements, and they don’t try to sell you the fucking thing except on its own merits. Go Smiling Hill Farm, go!

Final Score: 95!
I drink it like every day. How else can I get cigarettes without any income? Fuck spanging, hahahaha.
Tags: food
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