Joshua (dragonguyver) wrote in spadortch,

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Resident Evil Afterlife, and also, Hollywood, stop.

Resident Evil Afterlife

I actually came to livejournal here to bitch about Hollywood movies. I was watching the new Resident Evil, the fourth in the series now, and I wanted to complain about it, and modern Hollywood in general, but thought it wasn't really good for my facebook.

Very quickly: Roughly 80% of the movie is total darkness punctured by searingly hot white lights. Every second of fight sequence is slowed down to the maximum. The movie isn't even 90 minutes long. There's no plot. It's just a sidetracking from what should actually be happening. Meaningless. Extremely annoying ball-dropping after way too exciting cliffhanger from movie 3. I mean, ball-dropping is total here. Fucking made me sick. Some of the effects are good. Chris Redfield, finally, and he hardly does anything. Just stupid and pointless complication and another cliffhanger which isn't even as good as the first three cliffhangers. Fuck this franchise in the nose.

Seriously, Hollywood, stop it. I don't know if it's my tv or what but it seems like every other movie that has come out in the last five years has at least one long sequence where I can hardly see a god damn thing. This isn't suspense. This isn't tension. WATCH MARATHON MAN. God damn.

Basically on the same issue, is volume. If I have to watch the action sequences at volume level 5, but then if I want to hear any dialogue I need to crank it up to 15 (15 is three times 5), your fucking balance is off. You don't need to manufacture shock and tension by utilizing this degree of contrast. Quit it.

Oh yeah, and the whole orange/teal color correction thing? Knock it off, already, it's fucking UGLY. I was watching Prince of Persia and wondering what horrible disease all these people had. God damn.

Stop slowing down every fucking move in a fight sequence. You get an allowance of ONE per movie and no you don't get rollovers. For instance, when Milla Jovovich kicked the piece of glass into the dog? That actually deserved the slowdown. The whole fight against the random big monster with the axe/hammer? No, didn't need to be slowed down. Was fucking boring.

And cut it out with the damn blurry shit. You guys are going too far with all this stuff. You're not in a contest with each other to see who can make things darker, louder, more color corrected, blurrier, and slower. You're not. You're in a contest to Make Good Movies. Get With The Program. Fuck!

We all know you're just being lazy. Yeah, we know it. A lot of us are getting sick of it, and yes, we're not paying for your bullshit anymore. It's fucking true. And then you act like god damn two year olds over "digital piracy" when you know damn well you haven't done anything worth paying for. So quit being lazy cokeheads and fucking hire some real writers and directors, and let them do their thing, and maybe stop getting your dick sucked and fucking each other in the ass long enough to do Your god damn jobs which is to make sure nobody's gone too crazy in the creative team.

And for gods sake, rehaul the fucking "Test Audience" thing. It's NEVER WORKED. You need to take into account the Target Audience of the film. Shit.
Tags: bad hollywood, bad movies
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